All we know is... #1 (Pilot)

Everyone, every band, every TV show worth its salt has a strange, masked, often unreal, character that they use as a pseudo-mascot of some sort. McDonald’s has Ronald, the 2004 Olympics had Athena Phevos, Iron Maiden has Eddie, Disturbed has the rather unimaginatively named ‘The Guy’, British motoring show Top Gear has The Stig and so on till you run out of storage space in your head for all of them. Basically, anything famous or that has to be seen by a lot of people and then forgotten (aka the Olympics) must have a mascot. And that mascot must be made to say witty things, like ‘Saturn is not as shapely as your bottom’ or ‘I’m Supporting Brazil. Are you?’.  Cue drunken fist fight featuring the Albiceleste clad Argentines and the mascot along with a spattering of Englishmen and Dutch supporters, all wanting a piece of the action.

So, in the true Indian spirit of copying all things great (or buying them, AKA Ambani, Tata), I too have come up with my own mascot to mark anything and everything that happens in my life. I must say here, that not all the credit can be swallowed up by me. A fair proportion must me accredited to the South Indian Bengali, the man from Tamil Nadu who for some reason supports the Communist movement in Bengal. That last bit is my addition and I intend no harm to South Indians, the Tamils or Bengalis.

So without further adieu, I bring to you:

Some say that he can catch fish with his tongue;

And that he twitches his eyelids when bored.

All we know is, he’s called the Cat.

(I lifted that style from Top Gear, Clarkson in particular)

Yes, I give to you the Cat! The cat is short, pot bellied and can just vanish from sight when he pleases! The Cat is the coolest customer this side of an active volcano!

The Cat fears no one and nothing…

Except…

The lion! See it works like this. The Cat is duty bound to ‘Cat’ you at every opportunity he gets but you cannot lay a finger on the Cat; no he’s infallible. The only person who can ‘cat’ the ‘Cat’ is the lion.

If you are confused at the use of a word that can function solely as a noun according to the Queen’s dictionary, as a verb, in that last paragraph, let me put forward some definitions:

Cat – Proper noun – A real life person who can ‘cat’ you, usually senior to you in terms of knowledge and experience, worldly and otherwise. Usually an extreme irritant.

Cat – verb – To annoy with unreasonable demands whose very completion would invite a US led military attack, Apocalypse or at the very least, the ire of a lot of people. To be ‘catted’ is to have unreasonable demands placed before you for completion.

Disclaimer – Any resemblance to any people who are connected to me in some way is intentional. I do not mean harm but rather intend to make this an interesting look at life at a place i frequent daily.