Rebello's Axioms

I’ve been working for a year and eight days as I write this and in the course of that one year, I’ve learnt quite a few things, the most meaningless of which are listed below. If you feel that you are somehow responsible for the inclusion of any of them, please do drop me a line.

1.       If you are a connoisseur of fine dark chocolate and find that your serving of chocolate and wine at your neighbourhood bistro is late, send one of your men to Ghana or Bordeaux, depending on the urgency of your requirements, to expedite the growth of the cocoa beans and the grapes. Apparently, sitting next to the cocoa tree or the wine creeper will make them grow faster.

2.       It is usually assumed that women make unreasonable demands. I’ve seen men do worse, grown men for God’s sake.

3.       Tell an Indian that a book is beautifully written and he won’t bother to buy it. Tell him that he can learn something from it and he will.

4.       When you’re taking a dump in the morning and you hear the phone ring, it will be someone from work. This is Rebello’s theorem. The corollary is that you will not be able to actually take the calls you want to.

5.       Rock, metal, rap, pop (notice the progressive degradation in quality) are genres that the average Indian has not heard of; this can be attributed to the fact that most songs have lyrics in one language. If you were to include an English sentence, however inane, in a Hindi song, its cool (case in point – On the roof, in the rain, is a Hindi song. *bah*). If you swap the two languages in that previous sentence, it’s still true. (Case in point – Jay Sean, any song).

6.       I was once told by the son of two fine doctors that surgeons are allowed to play any music they like while they are performing surgery. I’d recommend an album titled ‘Eaten Back to Life’ by Cannibal Corpse to be played during open heart surgery.

7.       If you plan to live in a new city with someone that you know and are comfortable with, it will so happen that both of you will never be in the same city at the same time. You will, however, meet in the city you first met. This is a special case of Murphy’s Law.

8.       People will hit on your friends. All your friends will have better halves. You will continue to remain just a half.

9.       The probability of a dimension or detail being omitted from a drawing is directly proportional to its importance. This will also be the one thing that your customer will demand to know immediately.

10.    Late at night, when you’re bored, have work to do and when there’s no one around in office, you will have an urge to go to the loo. It will be at this time that you walk into the women’s loo.

Several people are responsible for the above, including but not limited to The Cat, The South Indian Bengali, Socks, God, Gopal, K and the Mirror Guy among others.

-Eldrich